Do You Have a Hostile Heart?

It takes a long, probing examination to determine whether you are a hostile person (people do hide such truths, from others and themselves), but Dr. Redford Williams of Duke University has three questions that will raise a warning flag for you. In edited form, they are given here. Circle the word that best describes your behavior:

1. When anybody slows down or stops what I want to do, I think they are selfish, mean, and inconsiderate.

Never___ Sometimes___

Often___ Always___

2.   When anybody does something that seems incompetent, messy, selfish, or inconsiderate to me, I quickly feel angry or enraged. At the same time, my heart races, my breath comes quickly, and my palms sweat.

Never___ Sometimes___

Often___ Always___

3.   When I have such thoughts or feelings, I let fly with words, gestures, a raised voice, and frowns.

Never___ Sometimes___

Often___ Always___

If you answer “often” or “always” to two of these questions, you are in a high-risk group. You have a hostile heart.

How to Have a Trusting Heart

The key to reducing hostility may be a trusting heart, says Dr. Redford Williams.

Hostility begins when you mistrust others. Dr. Williams suggests these 12 steps for acquiring such feelings of trust:

1.  Monitor your cynical thoughts by recognizing them.

2.  Confess your hostility and seek support for change.

3.  Stop cynical thought.

4.  Reason with yourself.

5.  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

6.  Laugh at yourself.

7.  Practice relaxing.

8.  Try trusting others.

9.  Force yourself to listen more.

10.  Substitute assertiveness (firmness) for aggression.

11.  Pretend today is your last day.

12.  Practice forgiveness.

If you cannot do it on your own, seek help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, or member of the clergy.

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GENERAL HEALTH